Discovering My 'Disability!'

Here I am, ‘seemingly’ without a disability, sitting at a Special Needs event looking to ‘help’ people.   Little did I know that this night,  I would be the one receiving help!

In front of me was a joyful, radiant, and well versed woman sharing her life story with ease, and life lessons with conviction.  As a young girl she did right, chose right, and lived right- surely any parent’s dream child.  Rightfully so, she never thought she would be paralyzed by a pitchfork at the age of sixteen.  Not that anyone ever is, but she was by NO means deserving of such an unfortunate burden, especially so young.  

Her name is Ashlee Lundvall.  She is paralyzed from the waist down, but her perspective on life, her humor, faith and willingness to live FULLY makes her much more capable than most of us will ever choose to be.  Not only is she a wife, mother and motivator, she is also an avid outdoorsmen/huntress who won the title of Ms. Wheelchair USA in 2013.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

The next part of the program was musical. 

Her guitarist guided her onto the stage and sat her gently in front of the piano.  She fixed her dress, found her place and slowly began to press the keys.  Playing the piano is hard in itself, but playing the piano without sight is truly a miracle. 

You can see her eyes, but her eyes cannot see you.  Only from before the age of three did she ever know color, pattern, or faces.  A degenerative eye condition would eventually leave her completely blind…

In between her angelic singing/playing, she would share bits of her heart with us.  She radiated joy, compassion and mostly love.  Although she did not talk much about her life’s journey, she did beautifully share it in song. (Lyrics)  The more she played and sang, the more strongly I felt my heart being tossed and stirred.

The Lord is certainly clever in how He reveals matters of the heart to us. 

I have known Ginny Owens' story for a long time.  She is one of my most favorite Christian artists.  In fact, there was a point in my life that the Lord used her music/life to truly touch me, ultimately helping me commit my heart to His.  I never thought He would grace me with the opportunity to meet her, talk with her, and become her friend.  He did.  However, it would rightly be His way to bless me so greatly, and at the same time, humble me so deeply.

You see, the Lord spoke to my heart at this event.  He said, “Josie, you sit in this sanctuary surrounded by many with ‘disabilities,’ but what do you really see?"

The truth is, I saw ‘ability.’  I saw joy and availability.  I saw freedom, love, and kindness: Attributes that the most 'able' people never display.  These two women, and so many other people in the room, chose to give their availability to the Lord so that He could use their ‘disability’ and turn it into His ‘ability!’

In the midst of their struggle, they chose to surrender the anger of what they were 'without' to the Lord, and instead embrace what they had within- determination, passion, purpose and more than anything else, trust and belief in God's intentional, purposeful and perfect plan for their lives. 

Recently, Ashlee shared her incredible perspective this way, ‘I realized that God has a plan for our lives, even in our greatest disappointments. He alone can take situations that we view as mistakes, and turn them into beautiful displays of His mercy and grace. Every good thing in my life is a direct result of my accident, which maybe wasn’t such an “accident” after all.”  WOW!

What I saw that night will forever change me. 

The Lord showed me that I too suffer from disabilities...

I may not be paralyzed from the waist down, but I have known the paralysis of fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of what people think, fear of failure etc…  And I may not have eyes that are blind, but I have experienced a heart blinded by selfishness and pride which ultimately steals joy, peace and the ability to genuinely love.

It was like the Lord was saying, ‘although these around you may suffer physical/mental disabilities as the world sees it, you suffer your own inner disabilities which can be just as debilitating.

 

In one night, I discovered my own disability (s). 

Thankfully, in the same night, I discovered the cure. 

Surrender. 

These women have completely surrendered their expectations, limitations, doubts, fears and bitterness to the Lord.  In exchange He has given them His ability to achieve, inspire, love and live in a way that many will never choose to experience.  He offers this to us all- we only have to accept the offer and surrender. 

 We will suffer from 'disability' all of our days on this Earth, but He promises:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my

power is made perfect in your weakness…”

2 Corinthians 12:9

New Life In Christ! - Courteney gets baptized and why The Church needs the disabled!!!

Wow ladies!...I am simply beaming!!!  My sweet daughter, Courteney, was baptized this past Sunday, Resurrection Sunday!!!

We decided a few months ago that we wanted Courteney to be baptized.  See, although Courteney is severely disabled and non-verbal, she loves the Lord.  His presence, His power, His mercy, and the Fruit of His Spirit are crazy evident in this young lady's life!!!!


Courteney, as well as many other disabled children and adults we know, have challenged our traditional "spiritual" thinking.  Her life and her relationship with God has caused us to have to simplify The Gospel.  Sometimes we make it so complex.  That statement is not to be confused with thinking that I am saying it is easy....following Jesus is anything but easy!!!! But, the truth is, sometimes we want to hear people say certain words, or perform certain actions, read so much of the Bible, and act a certain way to say that they are a follower of Christ.  God changes us...AMEN!!??  He gives us NEW LIFE!!!!   He gives us a new heart with new desires when His Spirit enters us upon belief!!!!  But, the question I am getting at is this....Do we believe that God is JUST as powerful in the disabled?  Do we believe, that although a child like Courteney cannot declare with her voice her love and dedication to Christ, God is any less active or less Lord of their lives because they can't say a "sinner's prayer" or take baptism classes?  I believe the opposite is true.  I believe God shows up in the weak!!

I see Courteney's life and I am amazed and truly humbled at the evidence of His residing in her heart. There is joy beyond belief (joy that I don't come close to having); there is great faith (as her character radiates a peace and trust in God to supply her needs); there is a LOVE for worship (as she waves her pink pom-pom to praise God or hits her light up tambourine - Courteney has set such an example of delighting in worship and finding freedom in that worship)....the list can go on and on.

A few days before we made Courteney's baptism testimony, we were made aware that there were many theological questions being asked and contemplated by our leaders of our church.  At first, my mama's heart got a little defensive.  Then we received an audio clip from our Pastor of theologian John Piper sharing his view on baptism of someone with cognitive impairment.   In the email Pastor Chad hoped this audio clip would encourage us.  Then the night before the baptism, Dan spoke with the Pastor who was going to be baptizing Courteney.  Not only did they discuss the logistics of the baptism, but Pastor Rick shared his excitement with Dan over this baptism.  We were realizing that our request for Courteney to be baptized was not just being tolerated, but it was being prepared for, rejoiced over, prayed over, and even researched!!  We are so grateful that our church leaders put so much time and effort and thought and prayer into this decision. At the end of this blog is where you can witness Courteney's baptism, as well as our Pastor's heartfelt explanation of why this was a good thing!

See, the truth is, it wasn't the theological questions that made my heart a little heavy, I think it was that I felt like many see her and many know her - but only from a distance.  So, my questions for you today are,  "Do you see someone with a disability only from a distance or do you rub shoulders with the disabled?  Do you know someone well who has a physical disability and/or a cognitive impairment?"  I'll be honest, if your answer is "from a distance," then you're missing something amazing, something life changing. You're missing the beauty.  Oh the Lord may give you glimpses of the beauty from a distance...but without a closeness, you can't experience the revelation that God can bring. This is just one of the reasons that Courteney's baptism was so powerful - it invited the church into her life and to know her.

I know lives are changed when God takes a lot our ideas of what we consider "spiritual" and turns them upside down.  You see, I have had the amazing privilege that I would never trade - this side of Heaven that is - of learning what is truly spiritual.  James 1:27 is a perfect example of when God rocks our comfortable little worlds and tells us that "Pure and faultless religion is this: to care for the orphan and widow in distress..."  Is that really what we consider to be true religion?  Or in Matthew 25:40, when Jesus Himself tells us "whatever we do to THE LEAST OF THESE, we are doing to Him (feeding, clothing, visiting in jail).  Wow.  Or in Isaiah 58 - when the Lord tells us what real fasting is - "spending ourselves on behalf of the poor and the oppressed...giving shelter to the wanderer."  Jesus rocks our worlds and our thinking!!!!!  I am just going to be really blunt here....I find it spiritual to change my 13 year-old daughter's diapers each day.  I find it spiritual to wipe drool from her mouth.  I find it spiritual to find her the very best physicians who value her life.  I find it spiritual to advocate for her in the special education world.  I find it spiritual to pray with her and read the Bible with her.  I find it spiritual to provide her diligent, sterile medical care in our home.  I find it spiritual to go to the mall and walk her around with our heads held up high as almost every person stares at us.  I find is spiritual to manage her pain when she is hurting.  I find it spiritual to pray for her doctors and therapists.  I find it spiritual to not leave her alone when she is admitted in the hospital.  I find it spiritual to kiss her like crazy and tell her how much she is loved.  Do you see how closely intertwined all these are?

You may read that list and think that you would never want any part of it!  And I definitely don't want you to think that I am declaring myself and all special needs parents to be super Christians!  I am going to share with you a little secret - although many parents of special needs kids make life look easy and joyful - most of us never waved our hands to God and said "give me a sick, disabled child, please."  No, most of us were completely caught off guard when we learned that our children would have life long disabilities AND believe it or not, most of us grieved.  The difference in "most of us" is that God gave us something that we never would've chosen and He forced us to get close to someone who otherwise we probably would've distanced ourselves from, stared at, or not even made eye contact with. The Lord forced us, by His GREAT MERCY, to learn what being spiritual really means.  He made us love the James 1:27's, and the Isaiah 58's, and the Matthew 25's of this world and of His Kingdom and His Body!  He changed us and made us into the people that we never thought we could be.  He made us MORE into His image.  He rocked our spiritual worlds and showed us His great heart like we never would've known.

See, in our case with Courteney, He has opened our eyes to the depth of her knowledge of Him, making it possible for me to say she is the greatest Christian that I know.  Why is she the greatest Christian I know?  I think I know why... her simple little heart makes a perfect home for her Savior! She worships Him in spirit and in truth.  She may not be able to do and say the things that we deem as super Christian...but man, I ask the simple question...where else could her strength, her worship, her love, her joy, her forgiveness, her silliness, her perseverance, her beauty, her enthusiasm, her patience, her grace come from other than Jesus??  How else would life so align with the Word of God and display the characteristics that God promises believers would have?  Her life demonstrates to this world, as well as the rulers and powers in the heavenly world - as God sustains her life and gives His power to the weak!  The only explanation Dan and I can come up with is that, beyond our understanding, there has been a relationship started - I don't know when and I don't need to know when, but we just know. We JUST KNOW that "those who seem to be weaker are indispensable" (1 Corinthians 12:22) and "has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith?" (James 2:5).

Rejoicing after her baptism!  

We are humbled that we get to witness Christ unleashed in her life day after day.  I have learned from her what being a Christian really means - it means that following Jesus is worth anything. She KNOWS Jesus Christ - what greater knowledge could we hope for our daughter to have?  Although her life may not seem to have a lot, she truly has everything that she needs in Jesus Christ.

This is why Courteney was baptized - the evidence is astounding - her heart belongs to Jesus and He has given her New Life!!!!

It is my hope that each one of you reading this would do several things... be open to the unseen! God tells us that what is unseen is eteranal (2 Corinthians 4:18) - AMEN???!!!!  And what is seen is temporary!!!  AMEN! AMEN!!  Pray and ask God to give you spiritual eyes and a heart that doesn't miss what moves His heart.  Be comfortable being uncomfortable - one of the greatest things I have ever been challenged with by a dear friend of mine who ministers to the disabled.  God often takes us places or wants to take us places that in our flesh and our humanness we would never want to go on our own - it is often there that we find blessing and see His heart up close and personal!  Let God redefine your idea of what is Godly, worship, and spiritual.  And lastly, do you know, really know, someone with disabilities?  Jesus did.  He touched them.  He healed them.  He forgave them.  He didn't ignore them and He definitely wasn't distant!  What an awesome God we serve!!!!  May we desire to be as He was!!!!  Oh how my heart swells with love for Him even as I type this!  I was beaming with joy over Courteney when I started typing, now I am beaming with joy over declaring to you all that THIS IS MY GOD!!!!!!

CLICK HERE TO SEE COURTENEY'S BAPTISM!!!


Many Blessings!!
Christine