Here I am, ‘seemingly’ without a disability, sitting at a Special Needs event looking to ‘help’ people. Little did I know that this night, I would be the one receiving help!
In front of me was a joyful, radiant, and well
versed woman sharing her life story with ease, and life lessons with conviction. As a young girl she did right, chose right,
and lived right- surely any parent’s dream child. Rightfully so, she never thought she would be
paralyzed by a pitchfork at the age of sixteen. Not that anyone ever is, but she was by NO
means deserving of such an unfortunate burden, especially so young.
Her name is Ashlee
Lundvall. She is paralyzed from the waist
down, but her perspective
on life, her humor, faith and willingness to live FULLY makes her much more
capable than most of us will ever choose to be.
Not only is she a wife, mother and motivator, she is also an avid
outdoorsmen/huntress who won the title of Ms. Wheelchair USA in 2013.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
The next part of the program was musical.
Her guitarist guided her onto the stage and sat her gently in
front of the piano. She fixed her dress,
found her place and slowly began to press the keys. Playing the piano is hard in itself, but
playing the piano without sight is truly a miracle.
You can see her eyes, but her eyes cannot see you. Only from before the age of three did she ever
know color, pattern, or faces. A degenerative
eye condition would eventually leave her completely blind…
In between her angelic singing/playing, she would share bits
of her heart with us. She radiated joy, compassion and mostly
love. Although she did not talk much about her
life’s journey, she did beautifully share it in song.
(Lyrics) The more she played and sang, the more
strongly I felt my heart being tossed and stirred.I have known Ginny Owens' story for a long time. She is one of my most favorite Christian artists. In fact, there was a point in my life that the Lord used her music/life to truly touch me, ultimately helping me commit my heart to His. I never thought He would grace me with the opportunity to meet her, talk with her, and become her friend. He did. However, it would rightly be His way to bless me so greatly, and at the same time, humble me so deeply.
You see, the Lord spoke to my heart at this event. He said, “Josie, you sit in this
sanctuary surrounded by many with ‘disabilities,’ but what do you really see?"
The truth is, I saw ‘ability.’ I saw joy and availability. I saw freedom, love, and kindness: Attributes that the most 'able' people never display. These two women, and so many other people in
the room, chose to give their availability to the Lord so that He could use their
‘disability’ and turn it into His ‘ability!’
In the midst of their struggle, they chose to surrender the anger of what they were
'without' to the Lord, and instead embrace what they had within- determination, passion, purpose and
more than anything else, trust and belief in God's
intentional, purposeful and perfect plan for their lives.
Recently, Ashlee shared her incredible perspective
this way, ‘I realized that God has a plan for our lives, even in our greatest
disappointments. He alone can take situations that we view as mistakes, and
turn them into beautiful displays of His mercy and grace. Every good thing in
my life is a direct result of my accident, which maybe wasn’t such an
“accident” after all.” WOW!
What I saw that night will forever change me.
The Lord showed me that I too suffer from
disabilities...
I may not be paralyzed from the waist down, but I have known
the paralysis of fear. Fear of the
unknown, fear of what people think, fear of failure etc… And I may not have eyes that are blind, but I have
experienced a heart blinded by selfishness and pride which ultimately steals
joy, peace and the ability to genuinely love.
It was like the Lord was saying, ‘although these around you
may suffer physical/mental disabilities as the world sees it, you suffer your own
inner disabilities which can be just as debilitating.
In one night, I discovered my own disability (s).
Thankfully,
in the same night, I discovered the cure.
Surrender.
These women have completely surrendered their expectations, limitations,
doubts, fears and bitterness to the Lord.
In exchange He has given them His ability to achieve, inspire,
love and live in a way that many will never choose to experience. He offers this to us all- we only have to accept
the offer and surrender.
We will suffer
from 'disability' all of our days on this Earth, but He promises:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in your weakness…”
2 Corinthians 12:9
2 comments :
I appreciate that this event challenged the way you think about disability. It's wonderful that you are open and willing to do this.
That said, I think it's problematic to compare a real physical disability (paralysis) to an emotional feeling (paralysis of fear). I think you're overlooking (or grossly simplifying) the realities of disability. She cannot walk. That is her lived reality; unless you are also paralyzed or dependent on a wheelchair, you don't know what it's like. When you say that "fear paralyzes you"--it undercuts the experience of a person who is physically paralyzed.
Similarly, you aren't physically blind/visually impaired. You cannot claim that you know what it's like or that your "heart blindness" is similar. You can change your emotions---you can work on your fear or heart blindness. While you can live with a physical disability, they're always there- there isn't a cure.
I do not mean to be rude or belittle your post. I think you're a compassionate woman and I admire your honesty.
Aww this was so beautiful! I want to frame it! This just opened up my eyes to my own disabilities. Thank you for sharing!
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