Negotiables of Parenting

 

 

 

 

My daughter and I were recently talking about parenting and how I measured success as a mom.  I jokingly said to her that when I became a mom, I would consider myself successful if I did two things:

1)       Lead each child to the Lord

2)      Complete potty training

Please know my heart and sense of humor with the last.  There are many important tasks that a parent needs to complete and the list can be exhausting.  It made me think about what were the important things that we wanted to make sure we taught each child.  What were our negotiable and non-negotiable issues?  What were the issues that we would take a firm stand on and not give into and what were the ones that we would be more lenient with?

Here are a few of our non-negotiables:

1)       Each child would attend church as long as they were living under our roof.

I remember as a child my parents had this same rule.  I would make up so many excuses to stay home but none worked.  They were smart enough to know that even though I was sitting in the pew with a frown, little by little God’s word was being soaked into my stubborn little head.

 

2)      They would respect us and their siblings.

I wanted my kids to not just tolerate each other but enjoy being with one another.  Fights and arguments happened, but they knew in the end that family is precious, and grace and mercy exists in this household.  It is so much fun to see them spend time with one another as adults and older teens and actually look like they are enjoying it.

 

3)      Relationships are not disposable.

This was a biggy in our home.  As each girl became old enough to date, we were constantly talking about modesty and purity.  We wanted them to see relationships with boys as important and not casual.  I am so grateful for how God has moved within this area. Our oldest married a wonderful Christian man and the other is in a committed relationship with an amazing man of God.  This wasn’t always easy as a parent.  The world was also showing them a different way that contradicted our values.  God won in the end…He always does. 

There is one more that I once had on my list…but my mind was soon changed.  I was one of those moms that shouted from the rooftops  “No Tattoos!”  Yes…that was me.  I felt like that was what all good moms did.  Right?  Then one day one of my non-negotiables was challenged when my 17 year old son came to me and asked if he could get a tattoo.  Before he even got to the second syllable, my good church mom self said NO!  He asked why and I replied with the same zeal and volume.  Because! 

As he walked away without questioning my answer I felt a knot in my stomach.  It was as if I was being prompted to rethink my answer.  I was shocked.  How could I even consider allowing my precious child to do this?   I began to pray and God changed my heart.  Not about getting a tattoo, but about me holding so tightly to what I thought was right.  I went to my son and explained to him the way I was feeling and made him a promise.  If he could find reasons why this was a good idea, I would listen and be open minded.

Later that evening my son presented his case to my husband and I.  He showed us a video of a respected pastor talking about this issue.  He made a lot of good points.  My son ended by showing us what he wanted to tattoo on his side.  It was a symbol that represented Romans 1:16.  He wanted his tattoo to be a conversation opener that would possibly point others to Christ.  His case went before the jury (my husband and I) and the verdict was unanimous. He was allowed to get a tattoo. 

I share this with you not to say look at me but to say look inside you.  Sometimes we hold on to things and rules so tightly that we don’t allow room for God to move.  I believe that there are a lot of issues that are unique to families and must be decided on what works for you. Always let God to direct your path, not the voice of the world.    Remember…He loves them even more than you! 

  Do you have your non-negotiable parenting rules?